On a precipice, and it’s a good thing

12/31/2019

Here we sit on the precipice of a year and a decade. In our minds, we place so much significance on this changing of the calendar. It’s a funny thing, isn’t it? We love this time of year. It’s all about making new promises to ourselves, and maybe to others as well. It’s about change. Humans fear change so much, they’ll stay in unhappy or unhealthy places in their lives because the idea of change is so much scarier than the pain they know. But give us a new year, and, better yet, a new decade, and we embrace the idea of change. Our minds allow us to picture change and lessen the fear that surrounds it because we’ve created this symbolic space in which we, as a society, say it’s okay to want change. A new start. A clean slate. We can begin anew. Brush off the old and welcome in the new. It’s utterly freeing when we have the permission to do so. Think about how you feel when you anticipate what dreams might unfold with the coming of a new year. Or how the new you will feel when you shed an old habit for a new, healthier one. When you let yourself go there in your brain. The heart feels lighter, and you feel like anything is possible. 

a time of gratitude

It’s also that time of gratitude. Where we acknowledge the beautiful spaces we’ve been in, the hearts who have touched ours, the gifts we’ve been given. We pause for breath, no matter where we are, and nod our heads to the year past, and say thank you. Thank you for all that I’ve seen, done, and learned that has made me a better, kinder, gentler person; saved my life; or met my spirit. Even if we choose to celebrate by partying the night away in reckless abandon, most of us, at some point, take that breath. It might be before the carnage begins. It might be as you’re raising a toast (after perhaps 100 more prior) to the ringing in of the new year, lifting your glass, and seeing the moment frozen in a real-life picture. Or it might be at that moment when you glance around your cozy little home and the living creatures you share it with, just before you turn off the lights long before the midnight hour rings in.

We are generous with ourselves and others, as we hang upon this particular precipice. ​ 

a step into the unknown

Today ends a year and it ends a decade. I have lived a life of change over this past year and a half. Some of it has been a struggle, but much of that struggle has led me to appreciate the beautiful all that much more. I know that sounds cliché, but it is also very true. I embarked on this journey purposefully. I knew it wouldn’t always be easy. I acted, and still do, in spite of the fear I sometimes experience. But, some of it is easier than I imagined, and the fear is lessening all the time. There are those who do not understand this decision I made or the life I have chosen. Who think that I made this decision because I had to, or who think that this life I lead is confining or less than. And that’s okay. We will never all understand one another, but we can all appreciate one another and love each other where we are. 
 
Over this past year, and with increasing rapidity as of late, I have learned to let go of so much that I have been holding onto. So much of the anxieties and worries and fear that express themselves in middle of the night wakefulness, in a clenching jaw, or in tightened muscles. I am learning to let go of trying to control it all. I am learning to see and to accept the gifts I am given every single day. I am learning to slow down, and to breathe. To live in that moment. Each moment. And now I am on that precipice of the changing of the year, I, too, find myself even more present to this pause we all take now. It’s a heightened expression of what has become my life out here, and I welcome it for what it is. ​

the heartbeat of dreams

But what if we could stand on this precipice every day? Where would we be if we embraced the beauty of change, the heartbeat of our dreams, the gifts we can give and receive every single day? What if it weren’t just a New Year’s Resolution, but a new day’s resolution…every single day. Every. Single. Moment. What then would our lives become? What then would our world become?
 
Here’s to all of you. I wish for all of you that you will greet each day of this new year as if you are standing on the precipice of a fresh start and a clean slate each and every day. I wish this for all of us. And I wish for all of us to know love and kindness, that we can express it and receive it openly and with gratitude. Happy New Year!! I love and appreciate you all.

In gratitude,
​Desserae